Sunday, March 07, 2010
Life
Jerry @ 4:50 AM
Hi again, it's 4.50am in the morning right now and i couldn't get to sleep.
i guess this would be a long post? lately i've been thinking so so much about myself.
it's been 19years down the road. from a lil kid to a not really grown up boy which is now. what've i done? what've i gain or learn? what will my future be? what will i do after national service? and so much more.
since young i was stubborn and playful, didn't take my studies seriously and end up getting shit grades till now. did so many things to let my parents upset and worried about me. regretted doing so many of those shits and taking wrong choices/paths, what am i today is all my very own fault.
after getting into secondary school things changes even more. got into more trouble and much much more stubborn/playful etc. got into a biggest shit hole during secondary 2. luckily, i was called off with a warning. life changed after that. skipped school almost everyday, stay out late and stuffs till secondary 4 2006. the year i took my N'lvls which i did pretty bad. until the day i've met you my life changed again. went into ITE simei but due to my old lifestyle i quitted school after 2weeks. did no shit for about half a year before looking for a job. but things didn't went well so i left the company. slacked and did no shit for the next 1 year and went to took private O'lvls for the sake of wanting to get enlisted later. signed up for private school and stuffs but i didn't even attend classes nor even study at all. went to took the exams like a tard and got shit results. was depressed over it but couldn't give a single shit back then.
those days with you around i couldn't even bother about anything else. until the first time things came falling down. i forced myself to bed for a month! was really really depressed during that period of time, life was really hard without you and stuffs. but you came back later. i was happy although things didn't went really well till sometime later. everything was excellent until mid year of 2008, things started to change and the distance was getting further each day. i was so into my game that i've chose to let you go during 2009 due to the problems i'm going thru. life suck after that! it's been a year now. to be honest i've not forgive myself for what i did neither have i forgotten everything that happen in the 2years. flashbacks keep coming neither could i stop myself from thinking and looking back and feeling down each time after it come.
life's been so hard during the past 1 year. struggling thru everything i do every single day and keeping my thoughts and emotion to myself. most of the time i just felt like killing myself to ease the pain and stuffs but i didn't, i waited and waited but no, things was never the same as before. each time i tell myself to change for the better and think of my future and stuffs. end up things didn't change much towards the goal i've set and given up hope on you. was given a notice 2months before i got enlisted for my national service on dec 2009. my parents was there on the day i enlisted, i was seriously emotionally down when they parted me. it's been a tough and long way down till now. learned lot's of things and had many wonderful or shit experiences during the period of time staying in and the best thing was knowing you, i endured hell for 13weeks and waited for every bookout on friday just to see you even it's for a day or so i was really happy every weekend. 13weeks have just gone by and i've finally passed out on the 5th of march. but it's still a N.O - NO! i've not changed a single bit.
this coming monday, march the 8th i'll get to know where i'm being posted to and which vocation would i get. i hope life will change after that no matter what i would get into. and hopefully someday i could win your heart although we've only known each other for a short period of time.
it's 5.40am right now? i've much more to whine about myself. but i just couldn't get myself to think properly. been having frequent headaches and flashes of life lately that really pisses me off most of the time.
may god bless everyone and myself. time to sleep i suppose :|
gdnight readers.
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